all we're trying to do is keep up
by theedgeofthedesert
Summary: Rachel's more bothered by Puck's "death or jail" comment than she expects. When she explores why, Puck gives her more than she bargained for, but also what she needs.


A/N: Hi guys! This is just a quick drabble of sorts I wanted to write in response to what we're seeing in canon. Hope you all enjoy. Read and review!

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><p>At best, she and Noah Puckerman are acquaintances.<p>

The first time she ever met the boy was freshman year of high school, wide eyed and mesmerized by the promise of success in high school. She touched her new red locker like a hidden jewel and smiled at everyone that walked past her, including Noah. After all, her father Hiram always told her that the best way to begin a friendship is with a smile.

Apparently Noah and his friends didn't get that memo. Instead of smiling back they threw a slushie in her face.

And since then that was their relationship. She can remember ever really having a conversation with him until he joined glee their sophomore year. In fact, their short courtship was the first time she ever got to know the boy. Since then, they've coexisted peacefully and have been their for each other at the random times they've needed each other.

Like the time she needed someone to tell her she was crazy for wanting a nose like Quinn Fabray. Noah was there for that even when he didn't need to be.

So on a certain level, she doesn't know why his comment in glee one day bothers her so much.

"Where do you see yourselves in 2030?" Mr. Schuester asks them as he walks briskly in.

"Probably in jail…or dead," Puck answers immediately as if it's no big deal.

Rachel's eyes widen at his comment. She looks around the room quickly to see if anyone else notices or cares.

But they don't. Mr. Schue just goes on with his lesson.

She furrows her eyebrows as her teacher continues with his explanation of this week's lesson. Why does no one ever make a fuss about Noah's misgivings in his life? Even when he went to juvie…it was no surprise to anyone else in the club but her.

She shouldn't let this bother her so much.

But maybe this makes her a better person than the rest of them.

x 0 x 0 x

She knows she's crazy for getting engaged to Finn, but being scared makes someone do crazy things.

She does love Finn. And for so long, being with him and being happy with him was all she wanted. She finally has it. This has been the first time the two of them have been in a relationship without drama and hardships. It's so…easy. It was easy to lose her virginity to him even if it wasn't the exhilarating experience she was expecting.

When Finn mentions what he and Kurt talked about, she wonders why it seems so strange to tell him about how well he could do in New York.

Maybe because she doesn't think it's completely true.

Finn is special. Not many people have been through as much as he has with such an easy going personality. She appreciates that.

But it's not insulting to say that he's not totally meant to be in New York.

If there's one thing she's learned from everyone in glee club, it's that everyone has their niche. Everyone is good at something. New York is a special place for a special kind of person. It occurs to her sometimes that Finn may not fit the bill.

So why did she even accept his proposal? It's becoming clear to her that if she goes to NYADA she'll be having a long distance relationship with her fiancé for years before they can even get married. And what happens then? She's never going to come back to Lima. She refuses.

Maybe she's selfish. Well, she is. But it's not selfish to want the best for someone she loves. And she does love Finn…he won't love New York like she will.

x 0 x 0 x

She's walking the halls after school one day, fresh from a vocal workout in the auditorium. She walks by the choir room and hears a beautiful quiet strumming coming from inside. When she peers in she sees Noah sitting in one of the chairs, looking concentrated as he plays his guitar. He stops for a moment to write something down on a notepad and she raises her eyebrows.

Is he writing a song?

She remembers hearing his original song he wrote last year, and while it wasn't something they could have used for Regionals, it certainly had some merits. It was catchy with a great tune and his vocals sounded excellent. Lauren Zizes was a lucky girl to have a song written for her.

She walks quietly into the room and clears her throat to make her presence known. He stops and looks up at her surprised.

"Oh, hey Berry. What are you doing here?" he asks.

She shrugs. "I was in the auditorium practicing and heard your guitar when I walked by. It's beautiful Noah. What are you writing?"

He blushes a little, which is endearing to her considering the tough guy persona she's exposed to most of the time.

"Just some stuff that was in my head. It's not a big deal," he mumbles.

She smiles and walks further into the room to sit down next to him. "Can you play it for me?" she asks him quietly.

He looks at her with a confused expression on his face, probably because she usually doesn't come to him like this unless she needs something from him.

He nods and without a word begins playing the tune. It doesn't have words yet, but the music alone is hauntingly beautiful, more so now that's sitting next to him and hearing him play it instead of standing outside the choir room.

He's concentrated, but at peace while he works his fingers over the guitar. It's an expression she's never seen on him before. It's a quiet passion she doesn't see in anyone else in the glee club.

When he finishes, he looks at her expectantly and the words are taken out of her mouth. She doesn't even know what to say.

"Noah," she breathes. "That was beautiful."

"Thanks," he responds. "It doesn't really have words or anything. I'm not a songwriter like you. We'll see what happens."

"Maybe we can write something for it together," she says without thinking.

The suggestion throws both of them off, and Noah smirks and nods his head. "Sure Rach…we can write something together."

Her smile brightens, because even though she wasn't thinking when she suggested it, it's a great idea. "Great!"

Silence takes over the room and the two fidget in their seats not knowing what to say. Well that's not true. Rachel knows exactly what she should say, but she doesn't know what to expect.

Except when has Rachel Berry ever been afraid to talk?

"Noah," she starts. "Can I ask you something?"

He nods silently.

"Why do you think you'll be dead or in jail when we get older?"

"You heard that? I didn't think anyone noticed or cared," he says surprised.

"I do care. You know I'm not like the rest of them," she tells him quietly.

"Yeah…you're not," he agrees.

"It's just…Noah you're so talented. And you're smart…I know how good you are math even though you try to hide it," she tells him earnestly.

He doesn't respond, just simply plays with the pick in his hand.

"Noah," she starts while putting her hand on his shoulder, "you don't belong in Lima. People like you and I…we need somewhere to be free. Where people won't constantly judge us for things we've said and done in the past. It's just…I don't want to come to our reunion and find out you're dead. That scares me."

His shoulder is tense under her touch. He looks up from his pick and gives her a strange look.

"Shouldn't you be giving yourself this speech Berry? Cause if you marry Hudson you're never getting out of here."

She's taken aback. "How did you…how did you know?"

"Finn told me…he thought I would understand and be on his side or something."

"And…do you?"

"No. No I don't," he says sternly. He doesn't need to say anything else. The look on his face tells her everything she needs to know.

She bites her lip. "I just…I was scared. I don't want to hurt him though…I love him."

Noah shrugs. "Thought you loved your dreams more."

"But what if he's supposed to be part of those dreams Noah? If I let him go now I don't think I'll get him back!"

"Rachel if he's supposed to be part of your big Broadway dreams, don't you think this decision would be 100 times easier? This isn't gonna matter in 10 years. Don't you get it? Sure you'll look back and think about how great it was to be with Finn in high school but if you look back on those memories when you're not where you're supposed to be it's gonna be with resentment or whatever. Cause you're not getting out of here if you marry him. Finn's my boy but New York is just not for him. You'll be sitting here in this room as a choir teacher or something, married and having his kids, thinking about all the shit you should have done. Don't do that ok?"

Rachel bites her lip harder, trying not to cry. He's saying everything that her conscious has been telling her since she found out about NYADA.

"Noah just.." she croaks. "Please try. Please try and get out of here. Do something ok?"

She leaves it at that and rushes out of the room before she bursts into tears in front of him.

When she's in her car and drying her tears with a tissue, Noah's words sink in further and she finally understands what she has to do. She can't marry Finn. Not just for herself, but for him. She'll always love him and think back fondly at their time together, and maybe if they're truly meant to be it will happen.

But the future is so unknown. What is she thinking?

She hears the bing of a incoming text on her phone and sees that it's Noah, sending her a simple "I'm sorry" text.

But he has nothing to be sorry about…she needed him.

She and Noah always end up in each other's paths when they need other, and this is no different. Except it's funny that she thought he needed her. That he needed her to tell him how special he actually is and how much potential he has. He can't let this town stifle him. He needs to get out.

Ironically she needed him to tell her that more.


End file.
